How much is a person’s personal space? Practical psychology: human personal space

It turns out that in addition to what and how you say, there are certain rules that establish the distance at which you should be from your interlocutor. And even one extra step can ruin his attitude towards you.

You've probably noticed more than once that sometimes you don't like it when some people you know, don't know well, or even strangers come too close to you during a conversation. Why is this happening? After all, this does not always happen and not with everyone.

Do you want to know what's going on? It's about personal space. There is such a thing, it means a small but free space around each person, which he needs in order to feel free, calm and comfortable.

The invasion of this space by another person is not always accompanied by unpleasant sensations. It depends on how you feel about this person, and on what kind of relationship you have with him.

Personal space, of course, is not an untouchable zone; it is often violated by other people.

Psychologists have conducted research and determined the boundaries of this space. Now you will know about them.

So, first border passes at a distance of half a meter from you, you allow your closest people into this space without any unpleasant sensations.

For example, your mother, or your girlfriend, or the boy you are dating.

Next frontier laid at a distance of 120 cm, this space can be easily violated by your friends, people whom you treat very well.

Third border runs at a distance of up to 3 m. As a rule, it includes people you barely know or don’t know at all, for example, those who approach you on the street.

And finally next frontier, the latter, is located somewhere far away, and within its boundaries falls, for example, an audience in which a teacher, sitting at his desk, explains the topic of the lesson.

Now you understand that a person whom you do not consider your close friend and who approaches you closer than half a meter (this is where your personal space begins, which you need like air), gives you not the most pleasant feelings. You want to move away from him and not let him come closer than arm's length, right?

The same thing happens with all people, so you should also remember about boundaries when, for example, you want to get closer to an interlocutor who is interesting to you, but still unfamiliar. It’s better to wait a while to make your desire come true.

In addition, not all nationalities have the same situation with personal space. In general, people raised in northern countries need more personal space than people raised in warmer, milder climates.

Therefore, in the first case, your completely harmless approach to a person by more than a meter will cause him a feeling of protest, and in the second - vice versa. If you, while listening to your interlocutor, stand further than 1 m from him, he will simply be offended, considering you ignorant and proud.

For example, people like Italians are very sociable and often resort to various signs of attention - patting, stroking, kissing on the cheek and other ways of expressing feelings.

Communicating with them is a pleasure, of course, for a person of the same temperament and upbringing.

But the Japanese are the absolute opposite. They do not even hold in high esteem such a familiar gesture for a European person as a handshake when meeting and saying goodbye.

The Japanese are perhaps the most zealous guards of their personal space. They very clearly keep their distance and do not look their interlocutor in the eyes when talking; this is not customary for them.

In general, it seems that Eastern people are secretive and that is why they behave this way.

But, in addition to the concept of “personal space,” there is also such a thing as “personal territory,” which means your desk or shelf with books that belong only to you (not to mention your bed).

Agree that you don’t have the most pleasant feelings towards a person who, without permission and even for no apparent reason, suddenly opens your desk drawer or takes a book from your shelf. Such actions remain unpunished only for very close people.

There is a certain etiquette, the rules of which are aimed at avoiding such situations. In principle, these rules are very simple, now we will introduce you to them.

Rule one says:"Never approach strangers." At least, as we already said, closer than arm's length. You never know how a person might react.

Suddenly he doesn’t like your invasion of his personal space so much that he puts his hand forward, which you bump into (completely by accident, of course). Or, for example, he will be so scared from the unexpectedness that he could easily have a heart attack, and then instead of finding out how to get to the library, you risk spending the rest of the day trying to bring him to his senses.

Rule two:“Think who you are approaching.” If you decide to tell your best friend something important, then you have every reason to approach her almost closely and lean towards her ear.

But under no circumstances should you make such a gesture when communicating with the school principal, your older sister’s friend, or a young computer science teacher.

You risk being misunderstood: the director may reprimand you for insubordination (violating the boundaries of communication and age, as well as social status); your older sister could easily make you a scene of jealousy and take away her Walkman, which she generously gave you the other day.

And your classmates (most of whom are in love with the handsome teacher) can organize a real boycott of you or worse.

Therefore, in the cases described above, you should behave a little differently. If you really have something to say to the director, sister’s friend or teacher, then it would be more appropriate to ask him to step aside with you, where you can calmly and without unnecessary ears explain the essence of the request.

Rule three:"Approximation is a science." Yes, and this science must be constantly studied. And regularly improve in it, that is, change your behavior only as you meet a new person.

If you are getting to know someone, the smartest thing for you to do is to initially stay away from them during the conversation. But gradually you can gradually get closer to him (if, of course, you want this, in other words, if you like your new acquaintance), with each new meeting reducing the distance between you.

Be careful not to overdo it, because this requires the talent of a strategist. You must know exactly how many steps you can get closer to it today, and how many steps you can take next week.

But you need to do this with the most innocent look, otherwise you simply risk being branded the most ill-mannered child of all living people.

Here, perhaps, is the entire small list of rules that you need to know regarding approach etiquette.

However, as you understand, life is much more interesting and varied than any rules. Therefore, the rules (and in this case too) are just a basis that will help you cope with any situation. And finally.

Imagine that someone who is not the most pleasant for you is approaching you with manic persistence. How are you doing?

1. Slowly but surely you retreat until your back hits an insurmountable obstacle.

2. You put your outstretched hands forward, but do not move until the object finally buries itself in them, and then you clearly and calmly say: “Careful, further on is the danger zone!”

3. You mutter something like: “Sorry, but I’m in a hurry...” and run away “on very urgent matters.”

4. You openly declare that you can’t stand it when people approach you closer than arm’s length, and then find out what they wanted from you.

Choose what you like, but remember that politeness has not been canceled. And, of course, apply basic rules of politeness when doing so.

1. Do not come closer to a stranger or someone you barely know than at arm's length - thereby you will not violate his personal space.

2. It is also undesirable to approach a familiar but adult person too close.

3. It is better to enter into trust, and at the same time into the personal territory of a new acquaintance, gradually, calculating each step you take in the literal and figurative sense.

But in general, summing up our conversation, I would like to say that personal space is a rather intimate thing and, of course, expensive for every person, so please treat it accordingly.

" All of them are dedicated to a person’s comfort zone - the conditions that are familiar and comfortable to him, the established pace and way of life, as well as why it is important to be able to leave this zone and how to do it.

But at the same time, we cannot consider this topic from only one side, because a personal comfort zone is vital for each of us. It serves as a space where we can always retire, where we will always feel safe. And today we will look at the personal comfort zone from this point of view, and will also tell you how to preserve your personal space from the encroachments of other people and the influence of negative external factors.

Personal comfort zone and its specifics

We all live in a society and we have to constantly interact with people. It is for this reason that each of us needs a certain space where we can always be alone with ourselves, where we will feel calm and as free as possible, where we will not be disturbed, where we will be free from other people’s manipulations. This space is called the personal comfort zone, and it is a prerequisite for a harmonious life and the natural functioning of the psyche of any person.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable in a crowd of people? Have you ever felt irritated when someone came very close to you? Have you ever felt unpleasant when someone took one of your things or, for example, occupied your workplace or favorite chair at home?

We think that most people are familiar with such situations. And if you have noticed this in yourself, you should know that all this is completely natural, because the desire to maintain distance and protect your personal space is inherent in human nature itself.

At an unconscious level, we strive to protect our Self from any intrusions, and what matters to us, for example, clothes, a telephone, a computer or a car, is always perceived by us as a component of our individuality, which no one has the right to encroach on.

The willingness to share one’s comfort zone with other people always depends on a person’s lifestyle and social status. We have some interesting data on this topic: employees of the Research Center for Psychoanalysis at Moscow State University conducted research, which revealed that the personal space of Muscovites is 5 times less than that of residents of provincial cities.

Psychologist Maya Lagutina says that residents of big cities have to pay for comfort with peace of mind. Not everyone is able to calmly accept systematic violations of their comfort zone, which is why many begin to psychologically distance themselves from the people around them.

People with different living conditions also have certain peculiarities in the perception of personal space. For example, the personal space of people living in communal apartments is so small that they have virtually no understanding of what this space can even be. Such people are very comfortable standing in the same queues or riding on buses, and crowds of people are almost a guarantee of security for them.

Different peoples perceive space differently. For example, for Europeans the intimate zone is about 25 cm, for Americans it is 50 cm, and representatives of eastern nations can comfortably communicate with strangers at such a distance, which is completely unacceptable for Europeans, including residents of Russia. These differences, by the way, often cause misunderstandings and even conflict situations between people of different nationalities.

However, let's move away from statistics and talk more substantively about what the boundaries of personal space exist, because this is very important for understanding the psychology of protecting your personal comfort zone. But first, take a few minutes to watch this short video where an etiquette expert talks about personal space.

Boundaries of personal space

The personal space of each person includes two components - physical and psychological. If we are talking, then the boundaries of our personal comfort zone will be determined by the degree of familiarity with the person we are communicating with and the level of trust in him. Based on this, there are several zones of personal space:

• Intimate area. Approximately 15 to 45 cm (less than arm's length). Designed for communication with the closest people: family, friends. When this zone is violated by a stranger, anxiety and psychological discomfort often arise. Blood pressure may rise and pulse may increase.
• Personal zone. It ranges from approximately 50 cm to 1.5 m. Designed for communication with familiar people: colleagues, partners, classmates, friends. Allows communication not only about business and tasks, but also about personal life.
• Social zone. It ranges from approximately 1.5 to 4 m. Designed for contacts with strangers, promotes a sense of psychological security. It is not recommended to violate it, because Other people's reaction to this can be very different - from misunderstanding to fear.
• Public area. Is more than 4m. Designed for communication with large groups of people and audiences, suitable for business meetings, meetings, seminars, lectures, trainings, etc.

If we are talking about the psychological component of the personal comfort zone, then it is a variable value, and it is influenced by the individual characteristics of each individual person. The following indicators can influence psychological boundaries:

• . As you know, there are extroverts and introverts. The first ones are open and can easily share their personal space with others, even with strangers. Due to their character traits, they often violate the comfort zone of those with whom they communicate. Introverts, on the contrary, are more closed and are more comfortable maintaining a distance from people. They do not like it when their personal space is violated, and they themselves do not invade the space of others.
• Self-confidence level. Confident people almost never violate the personal space of other people (they don’t come too close, they don’t check their husbands’ and wives’ SMS and emails, they use tact in their communication, etc.). Insecure people, on the contrary, more often violate the comfort zone of others, and also allow their own zone to be invaded, being unable to psychologically defend themselves.
• Location. People living in big cities and exposed to social stress (pressure from a large number of people) have narrower boundaries of personal space. In other words, in order to feel comfortable, they need more “free” space around them. And people living in small towns, where almost everyone knows each other, have wider boundaries of personal space, and they are more calm when someone is too close to them.
• Family. There are families where the concept of personal space is almost completely absent. Growing up in such conditions, people get used to frank communication, as a result of which the boundaries of their personal space are wider. But in a number of cases, people who grew up in such families can carelessly invade the space of others, completely disregarding them. There are families where it is customary to observe etiquette and a sense of tact. Children from such families have narrower boundaries of their personal comfort zone and will never violate the personal space of others “without asking.”
• Culture. Cultural and national characteristics also seriously influence the boundaries of personal space. For example, in Eastern and some Asian countries it is acceptable to communicate while being almost close to the interlocutor. In European countries and, for example, in the USA, this will be considered the height of indecency, because... The traditions and cultural features there are completely different.

It is important to note that invasion of personal space does not always indicate that a psychological attack is being made on you. So, a person may be a representative of a different culture or simply have no idea what a personal comfort zone is. But there are also people who violate these boundaries intentionally, pursuing the goal of asserting themselves, suppressing, insulting, spoiling the mood, showing who is the “boss” here, etc.

Violation of personal space can be expressed in different forms. Some get too close or start conversations on inappropriate topics, others calmly take other people's things and litter someone else's workplace, others may grab a sleeve or put a hand on a shoulder, start waving their arms or hovering menacingly over the table. There are many options.

But it doesn’t matter whether someone violates your personal comfort zone out of ignorance or deliberately wants to piss you off or scare you, you must be able to protect yourself and your personal space. Although in most cases you will strive to maintain boundaries subconsciously, there are several effective techniques that will help you do this more successfully.

How to prevent personal space from being violated

The issue of determining and maintaining the boundaries of the personal comfort zone is of great importance, because Our psychological comfort and safety depend on this. The ability to provide such protection can not only give us peace of mind when we are riding with a stranger in an elevator or squeezing into a crowded subway car at rush hour, but also protect us from the “tricks” of pickpockets, “hypnotists”, frotteurists and other lovers of large crowds of people.

• If someone unfamiliar is trying to invade your personal or intimate area, take a defensive posture. Take a couple of steps back, cross your arms over your chest, and move one leg forward. Your opponent will not only see, but also non-verbally feel that you do not want to let him close to you.
• When someone tries to put pressure on you by invading your personal space, you can use a counterattack technique. Come closer, place your hands on your hips or waist, lean your body slightly forward, confidently look your opponent in the eyes and ask what he needs. Most likely, the person will hasten to retreat.
• If someone at work tries to violate your comfort zone by constantly placing things on your desk or occupying your chair, create natural barriers. You can place folders along the edges of the table, put a few books and even hang a small poster on the wall. The more personalized your workspace is, the less likely other people will be to encroach on it.
• When you are in a crowd of people, never fuss or rush. Move away from the main stream, walk a little slower or faster. If this is not possible, grab your items with both hands and carry them in front of you. This will give you a little extra space that no one else can squeeze into.
• Don't forget what other people need, including even those closest to you. The word “no” automatically indicates that you have the right to make choices and decide what to accept and what not. And this in itself determines the boundaries of your personal space psychologically.
• Be mindful of your time. You should always leave at least a few hours a day when you do your hobbies and things that interest you. Self-realization in your own strengths, and time “for yourself” allows you to organize your thoughts. It is very difficult to invade the personal space of a confident person with order in his head.
• If we are talking about family relationships, then be sure to create a corner in the house for yourself - where there will be something that belongs to you personally, and where no one except you has access. The psychological climate in the family and even harmony in relationships depends on having your own physical space in the house for yourself and your household.
• When, while communicating with someone, you notice that the person is getting too close to you, tell him in plain text to keep his distance. Explain that you feel uncomfortable when someone invades your personal comfort zone, and also point out that optimal distance promotes fruitful dialogue.
• Don't discuss personal problems with people you don't know. Confidential conversations can only be had with those you trust. Otherwise, your opponent can easily violate your personal space by using personal information against you - something that can hurt you and unsettle you.
• Some people violate the boundaries of personal space intentionally - to provoke. If you encounter such behavior, try not to respond to provocations. Strive to maintain calm and self-control, increase your distance, remain indifferent (as long as possible, at least).
• When you want to isolate yourself from people in public places, use a simple technique: take a book or newspaper (smartphone or tablet) and immerse yourself in reading. This will create both a visual and psychological barrier between you and others. By the way, this trick is very convenient to use on public transport.
• When communicating with strangers, prevent in advance the possibility of violating the boundaries of personal space. Never close your physical and psychological distance before you know the person well enough. Otherwise, you risk being, firstly, misunderstood (your actions may be misinterpreted), and secondly, becoming a victim of boundary violations on the part of your opponent.

And a few more recommendations of a psychological nature. Violation of the personal comfort zone often occurs through pressure or pity, familiar communication or unfounded criticism. To protect yourself from this, you need to be able to use psychological defense methods, such as:

• do not take on unnecessary responsibility;
• do not make unnecessary promises;
• do not allow yourself to be made a scapegoat;
• don’t try to be good to everyone;
• use .

However, in life it often happens that it is simply impossible to stay away from people, and strangers literally invade our personal space with their views, conversations and bodies. But even here we can influence the situation - soften these intrusions and make them less annoying and unpleasant for ourselves. There are also several techniques for this:

• To protect yourself from others, you can set clear boundaries. For example, in the subway or bus, you can stand with your back—the most vulnerable part of your body—to the wall of the car, and place a bag, backpack or umbrella between you and your fellow travelers. And if someone starts to stare at you, do not hesitate to look straight into his eyes for a few seconds, and then continue to go about your business.
• If people begin to restrict your freedom of movement or peace of mind (in the same transport or somewhere in a cinema or shopping center), put on headphones. It is desirable, however, that they be large and not inconspicuous liners. In principle, you don’t even have to turn on the player itself. The main thing is to create visual interference with the contact. If you want to abstract yourself from what is happening as much as possible, feel free to turn on the music, but do not forget to remain attentive to what is happening around you.
• When you notice that a person in a public place still continues to violate the boundaries of your personal space, you can use a book or newspaper in a more “radical” way - placing it edge-on and resting between you and the violator of your boundaries. It’s easy to use a backpack, umbrella, or bag in a similar way. But make sure that no one tries to get into the pocket of your bag or backpack.
• Finally, if you find yourself walking through a crowd of people, grab the bottom of your bag or backpack with your hands in front of you and walk forward. This will look completely natural, but at the same time your elbows will be pointed forward, causing people to try to get out of your way. As a last resort (if you don’t have anything at hand), you can cross your arms in front of you, which will have the same effect on others.

These tips are enough to start mastering the techniques of maintaining the boundaries of your personal space. Of course, there are many nuances here, especially those related to the protection of psychological boundaries, and in particular the preservation of personal space in the family and relationships, but we will consider these issues in a future article.

In conclusion, we will only add that you must not only be able to maintain your personal space, but also maintain your distance. Each person has his own personal comfort zone, and you can only find out how big or small it is by getting to know the person himself. Therefore, when communicating, follow the golden rule: approaching people, both physically and psychologically, must be done step by step.

The closer you know someone, the warmer your relationship, the more you can reduce the distance. Remember that the personal comfort zone is a zone of peace and security of the individual. Don't let anyone violate your boundaries, and don't violate others'. This will allow you to bring a little more harmony and understanding into your life and communication.

Now take a little break from reading and listen to what psychologist Olga Amelyanenko says about personal space. We think that you can also learn something interesting from this conversation.

Personal space surrounds every person. You can see this with the naked eye by the example of the distance to which we allow different people to approach us. We try to keep strangers away - at a distance of one and a half meters. If a stranger or little-known person crosses an imaginary line - this is an invasion, pleasant or unpleasant - this is the second question. Only “friends” can be within a radius of one and a half meters. But a loved one reduces this distance to zero - and this is a sign of trust on our part. In fact, “personal space” has several dimensions: material, spiritual or psychological, and very intimate. It is here, alone with ourselves, that we can put our thoughts in order, feel inspired, look into our souls, think through plans for the future, talk with our own conscience, heal psychological trauma, calm down and feel harmony and silence within ourselves.

Material boundaries of personal space

Each person has a need for his own things, in his own space, where he feels “at ease” and in relative safety. The wider the boundaries of material personal space, the more protected we feel from the outside world. Let's notice how we feel, for example, in someone else's kitchen. Fatigue from tension sets in very quickly. But we can stay on our own for hours. Personal space begins with your own towel, which no one but you touches, a personal fountain pen, a desk, a personal computer, your own room where you can close the door and feel independent, to be alone with yourself. Where do the material boundaries of personal space end? Most likely, where the “common” territory is located, where you intersect with those who live nearby. A person who has everything in order with his personal space will rarely encroach on someone else’s personal territory. However, there are individuals who easily invade and sometimes subjugate the personal space of another, even if this is fraught with conflict.

Psychological personal space

If everything is more or less obvious with the boundaries of material space, then psychological personal space is a subtle and complex concept. You can call it the inner world, in which there are very personal emotions, memories, affections, love, friendship, personal human values. It would seem that this ethereal region is difficult to penetrate. But in reality it turns out that doing this is easier than ever. Incorrect questions “Do you want to have a child?”, “Are you sleeping with...” and other questions of a personal nature already mean that your personal space is being invaded. It is especially painful when close people encroach on your inner peace. An alert mother finds her daughter's diary and publicly discusses the entries. Your loved one is trying to control your thoughts, daily routine, and personal correspondence. A jealous wife rummages through your mobile phone or looks for “traces of crimes” on your computer. A domestic tyrant (husband, father, brother) criticizes your appearance and forbids you to wear a dress that is too sexy, in his opinion, or to wear makeup. Your best friend is asking for details about your intimate life. Constant control can make a person restless and unhappy! In such cases, a person withdraws and becomes secretive. And not always because he is guilty of something. It’s just hard to live when someone is constantly looking over your shoulder into your intimate world, unceremoniously prying into your soul.

How to behave in order to maintain personal sovereignty?

Have courage and patience, explain to your loved ones tactfully and delicately that it is unpleasant for you when they enter your room without knocking, rummage through your things, use your towel or analyze the contents of your bag, computer, mobile phone, wardrobe. Try to convince loved ones who are invading your psychological space that such a path will lead to a deterioration in relationships. Draw a bleak prospect - how you will begin to lie, isolate yourself, be secretive, hide, protect yourself from contacts, as a result of which your annoying “controllers” risk losing your trust, sincere attitude and precious communication, which will become dry and formal. Act boldly and don't mince words. Try to become a “word artist” for a while! Anyone who tries to subjugate your soul automatically turns into an enemy, and enemies are not told the truth. And one of the most unpleasant punishments for a person forcibly deprived of freedom is total control and surveillance of his personal space - but isn’t the family? Don't be afraid to sound overly pathetic. The arguments should be precise and convincing, but the conversation should not be nervous. Speak calmly and reasonably. If they don’t understand you, turn on “Plan B” and block access to your personal belongings and affairs. Conflicts will be forgotten, but the result will please you, you will win a small victory and win your personal territory.

On the other hand, take a critical look at yourself. Perhaps your behavior is not impeccable, and you are giving rise to mistrust? Or maybe you yourself often behave tactlessly, carelessly in your relationships with other people, and grossly violate the boundaries of someone else’s space? When taking care of your own independence, do not forget that you are not the only one who has personal space.

Personal space is a special zone around a person, the penetration of which by other people can cause unpleasant emotions and a feeling of discomfort. To protect your personal space, you must know its boundaries in various situations and be able to defend your interests.

Instructions

Each person has 5 zones of personal space, for some people they are a little wider, for others they are narrower. This depends on the personal qualities of each individual, as well as on his nationality - the northern peoples have wider zones, the southern ones - narrower. Those. The personal area of ​​a Spaniard may be intimate for a Swede.

The hidden zone is the narrowest, up to 15 cm. This is a zone for those closest to you - children, parents, loved ones. The penetration of strangers into this zone causes a whole range of emotions - from fear to an outburst of aggression.

The intimate zone is from 15 to 45 cm. Some friends and relatives are allowed into this space. An invasion of this zone is perceived as an enemy attack and causes strong negative emotions in a person.

Personal zone - from 46 to 120 cm. It is permissible for well-known people - friends, acquaintances, colleagues, etc. - to approach this distance. If a person from this category enters an intimate area, he can expect a flash of indignation; if he moves away, the interlocutor will feel wounded.

The social zone is from 1.2 to 3.6 m. This is a space for unfamiliar individuals - sellers, consultants, postmen. When this category of people invades personal or social areas, a person feels danger and seeks to resort to the support of loved ones.

The public zone is a distance of 3.6 m. This is the zone of teachers, speakers speaking to a large audience. When a stranger tries to come closer, the person in such a situation most often moves away.

The main factor that causes penetration into someone else's personal space is individual differences in the size of zones. If two unfamiliar interlocutors, who should be in each other’s social zone, have this difference large enough, one of them will feel an invasion of their personal space.

Polite withdrawal will help you avoid intrusion - a well-mannered person will understand the reason for your “departure” and will treat it with understanding. To a less delicate individual, you can transparently hint that it is more convenient for you to communicate at a distance of at least an arm's length. From those who are completely dull, you can “hide” behind some object - a table, chair, etc. The same technique helps protect your personal space on public transport - stand behind the handrail and they won’t be able to press against you.

If you know that a person tends to violate the personal space of his interlocutors, be brief in communicating with him. Some people invade the intimate zone of others in order to unbalance, confuse, or provoke conflict. It is better to avoid communicating with such unceremonious individuals, but if this is not possible, self-hypnosis will help you. Learn to mentally create a cocoon around yourself, transparent but completely impenetrable. And use this skill in situations where someone threatens your personal space.

Video on the topic

Every person needs his own personal space. This is a certain area or place, room or chair where you can relax after a hard day at work. When a person is in his private area, he has the opportunity to relax, calm down or psychologically relax.

It starts from 0.5 meters, this is the so-called intimate border. If someone approaches this distance or closer, the owner of the “territory” feels discomfort, since this is only permissible for relatives and close people.

Scientists have found that the frequency of violation of the boundaries of a person’s private space even affects his life expectancy. When someone comes into contact with others so closely against their will, they feel uncomfortable and may develop neurosis. And neuroses have a negative impact on health.

Of course, there are people who are naturally friendly and sociable. They do not respect personal boundaries even with those they know very little. For such people, it is absolutely normal to hug, kiss, and touch others when meeting. Perhaps such people simply do not know about personal space, since they grew up, for example, in a large family. But not everyone perceives such behavior positively, and the reaction to communicating with them, even if they are sincere and selfless by nature, will be negative.

Within families, it is often customary to maintain distance in terms of personal space, and this is absolutely normal. Every person needs to retire to their own nest sometimes. Therefore, both in the family and at work, and even more so on the street with strangers, you need to be tactful and not intrusive. This behavior will make the interlocutor more inclined to communicate. If you respect the personal space of your neighbor, a similar reaction will come in response. And, of course, everything should be within reasonable limits so that respect for private space does not turn into unsociability and alienation.

Of course, we all live in society, but each of us needs some kind of inviolable territory where we can feel safe. Personal space is the main condition for the normal functioning of the human psyche. Therefore, defining and maintaining its boundaries is very important in the life of each of us.

Reasons why we need our own comfort zone

The very idea of ​​personal territory is rooted in the distant past and is associated with the animal world. Ethologist Lorenz Conrad (a scientist who studies the genetically determined behavior of animals and humans) argued that the presence of individual space is associated with aggression in flocking animals or birds. For example, starlings perch on wires at intervals. The distance between them is exactly equal to their ability to reach each other with their beaks. If the animal is not aggressive, then it does not need personal space.

It follows that the animal needs some kind of personal territory as much as it expects any aggression in its direction.

Man, to one degree or another, is also a gregarious individual, so the conclusion that was made applies to him as well. For example, when a daughter comes up to her mother and hugs her, the mother does not think about the fact that the child is violating her personal space. But this same woman feels completely different if she is hugged by an unfamiliar colleague. Why is this happening? What are the boundaries of our individual space? What factors influence their establishment? The article will discuss a person’s personal space and its types.

Borders

Personal or individual space is a zone in which a person feels safe and comfortable. The following boundaries of the comfort zone are distinguished, depending on the degree of acquaintance with people:

• From 15 to 45 centimeters is a distance that is comfortable when communicating with children, a partner, and close friends.
• From 46 centimeters to 1 meter is an acceptable distance when communicating with colleagues, neighbors, and classmates.
• From 1 meter to 3.5 meters - psychologists call this space the “social zone”, that is, a comfortable area for communicating with people in transport, at a bus stop.
• A distance of more than 3.5 meters is required to communicate with a large group.

Indicators influencing the determination of boundaries

The establishment of restrictions depends, first of all, on the personal characteristics of the person himself. Here, for example, are indicators that influence the determination of comfort zones:

• The type of character closed from the outside world needs solitude. Open and sociable people often violate the personal space of others and allow strangers to penetrate their comfort zone.
• The degree of self-confidence. Self-sufficient and self-confident people do not violate the boundaries of another person’s personal space. For example, a wife will never check her husband's phone. That is, the lower the level of self-esteem, the more a person allows himself to violate the individual zone of another person and allows this to be done in relation to himself.
• Location. People living in a metropolis have more narrowed boundaries of their own space than those who live in small towns. In addition, Southerners are believed to be less zealous about their personal comfort zone than Northerners.
• Family and culture. There are families in which the zones are practically erased. A person who grew up in such an environment, as a rule, can speak on any topic without feeling discomfort or embarrassment. If a child grew up in a family where personal comfort zones were respected, it is very difficult for him to openly talk about aspects of his personal life or discuss others.

Violation of individual space

Any invasion of your personal comfort zone leads to irritation. The reason is that a person, by defining boundaries, wants to protect himself both on a psychological and physical level.

Some people are comfortable communicating at a distance, but others are not. It is especially difficult for those people who need some distance from others. At concerts, in transport, at work, in an elevator, they experience panic, irritation, and disgust. And if you compare each violation of their personal space with a slap in the face, then it’s hard to imagine how many such slaps they receive during the day. They experience stress for quite a long time.

What can we say about a child who is constantly being approached with hugs and kisses? And then they say that he is a capricious and uncontrollable baby.

Violation of personal space always leads to psychological discomfort, which results in stress, depression, and insomnia. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s an adult or a child.

Why is it important to learn how to protect your space?

Encroaching on another person’s comfort zone or ignoring one’s personal boundaries always leads to conflicts and aggression.

Negativity can be directed both at the offender and at oneself. A person begins to blame himself for all troubles. Internal discomfort appears, which gradually destroys him as a person. In addition, he sets an unsuccessful example for his child, who in adulthood will also endure unwanted attacks, since he does not know how to defend himself against them.

People who have difficulty dealing with boundaries always have psychological problems and various types of illnesses.

What to do?

Here are some tips to help protect your personal space:

• Learn to say “no,” even to your loved ones.
• Give up the feeling of guilt forever, since it is precisely this that is an excellent means of manipulation.
• Avoid familiarity when communicating.
• Don't try to please everyone and be good to everyone.
• Treat criticism correctly.
• Don't let anyone manipulate you.
• Try not to respond to provocations.
• Always maintain physical distance when communicating.
• Avoid excessive frankness.
• Try to be fair.

Individual space is a zone of calm and safety. You should not violate the comfort limits of other people by interfering in their lives, giving advice, and then it will be easy to maintain your distance and not allow others to cross the boundaries of what is permitted.

Types of personal comfort zone

Individual space has other dimensions besides the physical. The following forms are common:

• Subject space or private property are things, objects to which only we have access. For example, a personal computer, desktop, office, bed, and so on.
• Living space is a personal place where you can retire, relax and feel safe. This doesn’t have to be your own house or apartment, it can be your own corner, your own part of the room.
• Personal information space is the right to privacy. You cannot read other people's letters, SMS, or look through your mobile phone. Every person has the right to privacy.
• Personal emotional space is the feelings that we experience of our own free will.
• Personal time is time free from obligations and work, which you can use as you wish.

Male and female approaches to the concept of “personal space”

Men intuitively protect the boundaries of their comfort. They know how to do this both physically and verbally. Their clear restrictions make it clear how reliably the private area is protected.

Women have problems with boundary violations. This is due to the fact that the nature of the fair half of humanity is dual. On the one hand, they want to dissolve in their chosen one, and on the other hand, they allow a lot of impermissible things towards themselves.

They begin to endure, and it is in this sacrifice that the difference between men and women lies.

Each partner's comfort zone in a relationship

Partners sometimes need to be alone with themselves. When there is respect in a couple, then problems with violating the boundaries of personal space in a relationship do not arise. And if suddenly the rights of one of the partners begin to be infringed, then we need to start working on it.

You always need to start with yourself, this is the only way to make your loved one understand how important it is to take care of personal boundaries: telephone, email, social networks, meetings with friends.

In personal relationships, compromises must be found. You need to be able to talk and negotiate, and then there will be no problems with violating personal space.

Despite the fact that we all live in society, each of us constantly needs a certain space in which we can retire and feel safe. Personal space is an essential condition for the normal functioning of the psyche and healthy psychology of every person. Therefore, the issues of determining and maintaining the necessary boundaries of personal space are of great importance in the life of each of us. Today we will talk about the parameters of a person’s comfort zone and how to prevent violation of one’s personal space.

Physical boundary

Personal space is a zone in which a person feels comfortable and safe. This space has two components: physical and psychological. When it comes to relationships at the verbal level, the boundary is determined depending on trust in the other person. The following parameters of personal space are distinguished depending on the degree of familiarity with the people around you.

15 - 45 cm is the distance that is considered comfortable when communicating with your partners, children, and close friends.

0.46 - 1.22 m is typical for cases when we are talking about superficial acquaintance. For example, colleagues, classmates, neighbors are people with whom we keep a certain distance when discussing our personal lives.

1.22 - 3.6 m is the social boundary of personal space, designed to protect a person among strangers. People at a bus stop, on public transport, etc. require an increase in communication distance.

A distance of more than 3.6 m is a public zone, which occurs when communicating with a large group of people, for example, during lectures, trainings, and seminars.

Psychological personal space

The psychological component of personal space is a variable value and depends on the individual characteristics of the person himself. Let us highlight the following indicators that influence the determination of the boundaries of the comfort zone.

• Character type. Introverts tend to be more closed off from others, preferring to spend more time alone. Extroverts, on the contrary, are very open and love to let new people into their lives. They not only easily allow strangers to enter their personal space, but they themselves often do not respect the boundaries of the personal space of others.
• Level of self-confidence. A self-confident person will not resort to techniques of violating the boundaries of the personal space of others. So a husband or wife who is confident in himself will not check the phones and emails of his beloved. The lower self-esteem, the more a person allows his own space to be violated and allows himself to do this in relation to others.

• Location. Living in a big city, a person is constantly exposed to a large number of outside people. This leads to a narrowing of the boundaries of personal space to create a safe zone. In a small town where everyone practically knows each other, this is impossible to do. Therefore, the boundary of personal space is expanding.

• Culture and family. There are families in which the boundaries of the personal zone are virtually erased, which leads to open conversations on almost any topic. If a person grew up in a culture that respects personal space, then it will be very difficult for him to talk openly about some aspects of his personal life or discuss others.

Any invasion of people's personal space and its violation leads to irritation. It is based on the desire to protect yourself and your comfort zone, both physically and psychologically. Any personal information can be used for manipulation on more subtle levels. Intuitively knowing this, a person strives to create a safe zone for himself. As a result, a natural reaction of rejection of the interlocutor arises, and in some cases even conflict.

Men react more emotionally to violation of personal space than women, which is explained by their inner instinct to be the master of their territory.

How to block a violation

Let's look at a few tips that will help us defend our personal space and prevent violation of its boundaries.

• Say "No." Say “No” even more often than “Yes”. Learn to express your disagreement to your closest people, family and friends. In this way, you define the boundaries of your personal space and show that you have the right to make independent choices.
• Be sure to give up feelings of guilt. Know that this is one of the most effective means for manipulating others. Make your own decisions, preventing anyone from taking advantage of you.

• Eliminate familiarity. Keep your distance when interacting with strangers and reduce the boundaries of your personal space only after you know the person enough to trust them.
• To maintain your personal space, don't try to be nice to everyone. There is a category of people who, from the very first minutes of meeting you, begin to push you away. Don’t try to shorten the distance with people you don’t like, who you simply don’t need.
• Treat criticism correctly. If you see that the criticism is not fair and the person is trying to teach you life according to his own concepts, say that you yourself are capable of being responsible for your life and your actions. You have the right to make independent decisions, according to your vision of the situation or problem.

• Expose any manipulation. The main means of manipulating a person are considered to be feelings of guilt and pity. Don't let others convince you that you are treating them unfairly and should be responsible for their problems. To maintain your personal space in such cases, increase your distance, thereby preventing others from making you a scapegoat.
• Don't respond to provocations. It is very difficult sometimes not to fly into anger or get angry. There are people who know what words to use to make a person angry. You need to remain calm and understand that sometimes it is better to just remain silent and not get involved in confrontation.
• Maintain a physical boundary of personal space. If someone comes very close to you, take a step or two back and ask the person to talk to you at that distance. Explain that this distance is best for a fruitful conversation. If it’s closer, it’s no longer comfortable.
• Remove excessive frankness. Personal problems should only be discussed with trusted people whom you trust. Do not involve strangers and acquaintances in situations in which they may learn something very personal. Otherwise, you will make yourself vulnerable to them.

• Be fair. If someone tries to offend you and violate your personal space, do not be afraid to tell the truth to this person in response. The one who offends you must feel for himself that you can defend yourself and say that he is openly wrong. Learn to speak, even if it is unpleasant for your interlocutor, but he will stop offending you.

A person’s personal space is a zone of safety and tranquility, a zone of comfort and balance. Do not violate the boundaries of other people's personal space by constantly giving your advice and interfering in their lives. Then you can easily maintain your personal space and not allow others to cross the line of what is permitted.