Features of people who grew up in alcoholic families. Features of the formation of a child’s personality in a family burdened by alcohol addiction consultation

Introduction

Alcoholic (dysfunctional) families are the breeding ground for the development of addictions and various problems, in the occurrence of which traumatic childhood events are important. Therefore, dysfunctional families are called unhealthy, and functional families are called healthy. We previously conducted a comparison of healthy and unhealthy families. A special case of a dysfunctional family is a family in which one parent is an alcoholic and the other parent suffers from codependency. Using the example of such families, we will consider the features of the emotional development of children.

Growing up and growing up is difficult. Growing up in an alcoholic home can be overwhelming. Millions of adult men and women grew up in homes where alcohol ruled their lives. Millions of children still live in such families, if you can call it life. My experience working with children of alcoholics makes me agree with the opinion of Cermak T.L., who compared the psychological trauma of children in these families with the traumatic experiences of war veterans, known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This syndrome occurs in war veterans when they begin to adapt to civilian life after the war. Children of alcoholics suffer stress comparable to the loss of a loved one.

B.E. Robinson compared the alcoholic family to a psychological battlefield. Children are often forced to choose which side to fight on - mom's or dad's. Sometimes the battle line is between parents and children.

It often happens that it is easier for a child to get along with a drinking parent and more difficult to get along with a sober second parent who suffers from codependency. Codependent parents are often irritated and tired of this battle. They are anxious, nervous, and experience tension due to their spouse’s behavior. Unconsciously, parents transmit these feelings to their children. The slightest misdeed by children is enough to make a codependent parent irritated, upset, and sad.

Some parents try to suppress and hide their true feelings from their children. This inevitably leads to an explosion of negative feelings. Children do not understand these manifestations of emotions. Eight-year-old Tolik reported with bewilderment: “And our mother is always scolding.”

Codependent parents desperately fight to keep everything normal in the family. They are so absorbed in putting their house in order that it drains all their psychic energy and one spark is enough for an explosion to occur again. Then they can demonstrate an indifferent attitude towards children: “Do what you want, just leave me alone.” The patient with alcoholism absorbs all the attention; all life in the house revolves around him, around his problems. And children feel abandoned, unwanted, unloved.

FORMATION OF A CHILD'S EMOTIONAL SPHERE

Low self-esteem

A child's sense of self-worth, worth, giftedness and uniqueness develops only if parents give him as much attention as the child requires. The attention that sons and daughters of alcoholic parents received was mixed with toxic emotions. The child is praised little and criticized a lot. Words and hints are interpreted by the child as negative ideas about himself.

· I am not a very important person.

· I constantly get under my feet.

· I bring problems and difficulties to others.

· I'm not attractive.

· I am very loud or quiet or clumsy (whatever).

· I'm not smart, I'm stupid.

· I can't do anything properly.

· I can't be trusted with anything.

· I am selfish and demand too much.

· They don't like me.

· I am unwanted, unnecessary.

Even one or two such beliefs are enough for a child to develop low self-esteem, since these messages come from the most significant persons - parents or persons replacing them.

In healthy, functional families, mistakes are allowed. Overcoming mistakes helps you grow and develop. Family members encourage both adults and children to explore unfamiliar aspects of life. All family members take responsibility for their actions.

In healthy families, children develop a sense of belonging to the family because they feel positive cohesion, a close attachment of family members to each other. At the same time, a healthy family respects and values ​​individual differences.

Children of alcoholics see themselves through the cloudy glass of their parent's view of the world. Mistakes in an alcoholic family are simply prohibited. Alcohol erodes and dissolves the self-esteem of a person and all family members. Children don't know if they have ground under their feet. They cannot stand on their own two feet because their roots (parental family) are sick and weak.

Uncertainty not only about the future, but also about what will happen tonight, makes little sentinel soldiers out of children. Children need to stand guard to be ready to face a challenge and protect themselves. They fight bravely to overcome a fundamentally insurmountable problem. The unpredictability of events in the family is the only constant and predictable characteristic of such families.

In alcoholic families, if there is cohesion, it is negative cohesion, implicated in criticism, violence, inconstancy, denial and excessive stress. Survival there is possible, but at what cost? Survival replaces life, growth and development. Survival is not life. Personal growth the child stops. There is a fixation on one’s feelings of inadequacy and humiliation.

In healthy families, parents constantly pay attention to the work that the child does and completes. At the same time, parents' expectations are realistic, praise and support are constant. Parents provide a sense of guidance in the child's life and at the same time allow him to feel like an independent person.

In alcoholic families, the child’s completed tasks receive recognition and praise depending on the mood of the parents and the state of the alcoholic parent. The constant is criticism, not encouragement. Along with alcohol fumes in the house, possible insults and violence hang in the air - physical, emotional, sexual. Expectations are determined by the blood alcohol level of the sick family member.

The family ignores alcoholism and considers just such irresponsible behavior of an alcoholic acceptable. Denial as a form of psychological defense helps cope with pain. The “family secret” is protected by masks and carefully chosen words in conversation. And although this helps the family survive, at the same time, denial maintains the long-term existence of alcoholism.

A codependent, i.e. a sober parent, pretends to the children that nothing special is happening and insists that the children perceive reality this way. “Oh, your father is not an alcoholic. He just works hard and lets himself relax.”

The parent denies what the child sees with his own eyes. The child is confused and begins to distrust reality. Children are forced to suppress their suspicions and minimize their feelings towards their drinking parent: “Since mom said so, it means everything is not as bad as I thought.” Until the age of nine, children primarily perceive the world through the eyes of their parents. They doubt and deny their own perceptions. Then they get used to lying to their peers and denying what is happening in the family.

Outwardly, on the visible stage, the children appear to be normal. Boys and girls try to be who they should be according to their parents - a sign, a calling card of the non-existent well-being of the family. Such families are called façade families. Everything is fine on the outside, but on the inside it is a nightmare. Pitch hell is becoming a familiar situation.

Anger

Anger is the most common emotion in children that arises as a reaction to a parent's alcoholism. The expression and manifestation of anger is usually prohibited for children, although adults allow themselves to be angry. It is true that adults rarely serve as healthy models for the expression of anger. And the child has no one to learn this from. The child knows that it is wrong to be angry, it is wrong. He often hides his anger under the mask of a false smile. Later this can lead to poverty of feelings. As E. Fromm wrote, “Initially, the child refuses to express his feelings, and ultimately, the feelings themselves” (p. 203). .

Anger in a child can arise for a number of reasons. This is the refusal of parents to support the child during an argument, betrayal, double messages (“I love you. Get out of here, don’t get in the way.”) Often parents do not keep their promises. If one parent shows cruelty to a child, and the second sees this and does not protect, then the child perceives the situation as a betrayal. A drunk parent can break toys or ruin other things dear to the child. A child may react to the destruction of his property with anger and even rage. Beneath these feelings lie pain, sadness, the bitterness of existence.

Depression

Children of alcoholics are significantly more likely to describe their childhood as unhappy compared to children of non-alcoholic parents. In adulthood, they are twice as likely to suffer from depression than children of non-alcoholic parents. Depression is a lifelong legacy, although it often occurs only periodically. The good news is that not all adult children suffer from depression. Children whose parents are treated for alcoholism and achieve long-term abstinence from drinking alcohol clearly feel better.

Fear and bad feelings also become habitual feelings. The unpredictability of parental expectations and reactions creates a palpable fear of the unknown. Will father come sober today? Will mom yell at dad? Why will they scold me today?

The fear of parents' anger almost never goes away in children. Anger in alcoholic families is completely incomprehensible; it is senseless and constant. All the time, someone is yelling at someone, and someone is blaming someone. Sometimes family members hit each other.

Looking at all this, the child learns to avoid confrontation, so as not to add anything to the constantly boiling cauldron.

Children in alcoholic families often feel guilty and responsible for their parent's drinking. Some even believe that it is because of him, the child, that the parent drinks. “If I were a good girl, dad wouldn’t drink,” said five-year-old Anya. She thought that if she tried really hard and finally became a “good girl,” then the drinking would come to an end. This is how she nurtured her hope. This saved her from despair. Children often think that they are able to control their parent's drinking.

As adults, children continue to feel guilty almost constantly. This feeling arises easily in a variety of circumstances. If someone accuses them, then they willingly take the blame personally. Adult children of alcoholics enter the doctor's or boss's office with a ready-made phrase on their lips: “Excuse me.”

Some adults feel guilty for thinking in childhood: “It would be better if my father died, then all this would stop immediately.” Some feel guilty for what they did, maybe hit a parent. Feelings of guilt can replace feelings of anger. Is guilt lighter than anger?

In the chaotic home of an alcoholic, little is reliable, safe or controllable. Mom and dad cannot be trusted. Daily life is unpredictable, painful feelings are repressed and suppressed. Children in alcoholic families spend a lot of energy just to be, to exist, to survive.

Confusion and isolation

Ten-year-old Misha often complained to the school psychologist that the kids made fun of his father when they saw him drunk. This embarrassed Misha very much. Therefore, he did not play with the guys, isolated from his peers just at the time when they were becoming a close, friendly company. Misha's ability to make friends was limited. Only Petya understood him, because Petya’s father was also an alcoholic.

A common story with children of alcoholics. Children hide their father or mother's drunkenness and avoid inviting friends to their house. Natasha's father once came to school drunk. He fell in front of the whole class. The guys giggled and watched him with interest. Natasha was very embarrassed, became so shy that she spoke in a whisper. She was very ashamed of her father. She closed herself off and was not friends with anyone.

Many children in such families build invisible walls around themselves, living more in dreams and fantasies than in the real world. They seem to encapsulate their feelings and do not open this capsule until they are thirty or forty years old.

Grief, loss

The question arises: “Can children of alcoholics with such a difficult emotional experience become the complete opposite of their parents? Can they build a functional family?”

Anton Petrovich, 34 years old, said: “Since I grew up in an alcoholic family, I wanted to be completely different from my parents. I passionately wanted to have my own healthy family, maybe because I never had one. I never felt like I was part of my family. This is what I wanted most of all. If I lived in a normal family, this probably wouldn’t be so important to me.”

Grief in children with alcoholism can manifest itself at different levels. The absence of a normal family for a child can give a feeling of loss, grief, and lost childhood. In the future, this feeling may visit a person from time to time. Remember the words of A.P. Chekhov: “I didn’t have a childhood as a child”? The loss of a carefree, joyful childhood can be the cause of grief, a psychological process with 5 stages described by E. Kubler-Ross.

Before the onset of puberty, the process of grief from the loss of a parent, physical or psychological loss (“father drowned in wine”), is not clearly recognized by the child. Then this feeling interferes with the development of identity in the teenager, self-awareness unique personality with a sense of self-worth and worth. Unresolved feelings of grief and loss can darken life and interfere with building your family.

What ideas about themselves do children of alcoholics enter adulthood with?

They have internalized at least four toxic messages:

1. I can’t do anything properly;

2. I can't think correctly;

3. I can't trust anyone but myself;

4. I don't have to feel or express my feelings.

THE BEGINNING OF RECOVERY

Psychotherapy for adult children of parents with alcoholism can begin with a discussion of the feelings that the person experienced in childhood and that he experiences now. Previously, they had rarely been able to express what they felt in a trusting, confidential environment. For adult children of alcoholic parents, the following exercise can be offered at one of the initial therapeutic sessions. This is just the beginning. Therapy is long-term. The results can be positive and significant.

Exercise “Revising past experience”

Read the list below.

You begin to recover when you appreciate all your past experiences. Perhaps in the past you have experienced emotional deprivation - some feelings prevailed and did not allow others to break through. Emotional deprivation stunts personal growth.

Relax. Get yourself into a comfortable state. Read the list below and ask yourself for each item: “Have I experienced fear of rejection?” “Have I had difficulty achieving close relationships?” Mark the experiences that relate to your past life. You will find that some of the above applies to you and some does not. Just don't feel guilty. If some feelings, experiences, or problems that are important to you are not included in the list, just add them.

Fear of Rejection

Difficulty achieving close relationships (intimacy)

Mistrust

Tension

Sudden mood swings

Low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem

Bulimia (overeating) anorexia nervosa (refusal to eat)

Alcoholism in yourself or in people close to you

Lie to yourself

Addiction to experiencing delight, excitement

Addiction

Casual sex or other sexual misconduct

Manifestations of violence on one’s part or observation of violence on the part of significant others

Excessive responsibility or excessive irresponsibility

Excessive reactions to something or excessive indifference

Impulsiveness

Tendency to criticize and judge others

Inability to relax

Need to control others

The need to receive praise and support, approval

Compulsive (almost violent) behavior in oneself or in significant loved ones (overeating, striving for extreme achievements at any cost, smoking, substance abuse).

Now you are more clearly aware of some of your psychological characteristics that can create problems in your life.

Becoming aware of your problems is a very important part of healing.

Being able to discuss some of these issues in a group therapy setting brings relief and hope for healing.

Bibliography

1. Moskalenko V.D. Adult children with addictions – a multiple risk group // Mental health. – 2006, No. 5(5). – P.61-67.

2. Fromm E. Flight from freedom. / M.: “Progress”. – 1990. 271 p.

3. Black C. Children of alcoholics as Youngsters- Adolescents – Adults / New York: Ballantine Books. – 1981. - 203 p.

4 Robinson B.E. Working with Children of Alcoholics. D.C. Health and Company/ Lexington, Massachusetts/ Toronto: Lexington Books. – 1989. – 253 P.

5. Cermak T.L. A primer on adult children of alcoholics. Pompano Beach, Florida: Health Communications. – 1985.

"Children from alcoholic families"

psychologist of secondary school No. 209 Tikhonova T.L.

Introduction.

Among the many factors that destabilize family relationships, alcohol abuse is especially destructive. Previously, alcoholism throughout the world was viewed as an individual problem, with special attention paid to the intrapsychic processes of a person who abuses alcohol and changes in his personality. Currently, more and more people are turning to his interaction with his immediate environment, primarily with his family.

The results of foreign studies have shown that many people close to alcoholics develop conditions that resemble those of alcoholism.

Many experts consider codependency to be a chronic disease that leaves an imprint on a person’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual state, which does not allow him to be happy in society. Therefore, the topic of alcohol codependency is relevant today and any research in this area is of interest in science and life itself. Unfortunately, in our country there is not sufficient coverage of the problem of alcohol codependency; only a few specialists (psychotherapists, psychologists) talk about the essence of alcohol codependency and ways to overcome it. There is an acute shortage of information education and, even more so, in providing assistance to people living with an alcoholic. But at least four other people are suffering next to him. Without sufficient information, a person cannot recognize himself as codependent and, therefore, ask for help.

Family psychotherapist M. Beatty in his book also describes the steps of recovery from alcohol codependency. Some foreign studies are worthy of attention, which focus on the impairment of children and grandchildren of an alcoholic. Of particular value are the publications of specialists who themselves have alcohol addiction or codependency. They are the ones who most clearly indicate the mental state of a codependent person and the possible most acceptable and effective ways of liberation. In their books they give examples from their own lives, talk about their practical work with family members who have an alcohol problem.

Among domestic specialists working with the alcohol problem, one can note the psychotherapist Kondrashenko, who gives the concept of alcohol codependency, revealing the essence of addictive behavior.

V. Ivanov (4) gives an understanding of the problem of alcohol codependency, its characteristics, reveals the characteristics of families with this problem, and indicates ways to solve it.

A number of psychologists provide materials that reveal the psychological characteristics and development of children, their roles in families of alcoholics (Furmans).

Unfortunately, the works of domestic specialists do not fully reveal the characteristics of alcohol-codependent people, there are very few developments on the problem of the influence of codependency on various aspects of life (especially in adolescence), and there are almost no (except for the special literature of Al-Anon societies) methods that work to solve the problem who provide assistance in recovery. Since, as already noted, alcohol codependency is a problem for people living next to an alcoholic, it would be correct to assume that its presence can serve as a factor in the development of personality in adolescence and influence personality development at any age.

Where do alcohol dependent children come from?

It is known that living with a person who abuses alcohol places a heavy burden on all family members who are subject to stress and deprivation, suffer from humiliation of their dignity and need help. A family is more than the sum of individuals. There are unwritten rules that determine the relationships between family members. The sum of rules and behavior patterns and interactions make up the family system. Each member of this system influences the behavior of other members and is influenced by them.

Thus, in families where parents abuse alcohol, all family functions are disrupted: reproductive, economic, cultural, educational, emotional, psychological. If in families with normal non-drinking parents, the latter’s requirements for their children are based on firm views on life, and therefore have a constant nature in relation to certain emotional and behavioral manifestations, then the tragedy of children from families who abuse alcohol consists of distortion, as if a crooked mirror of the entire system of human relationships.

The damage done to children raised in alcoholic homes is becoming increasingly clear, and is attracting increasing public attention through means mass media. At the same time, our own denial of problems leads us to believe that negative consequences are mainly the result of living together with alcoholics. Adult children of alcoholics who do not become alcoholics themselves are examples of patterns of behavior and emotional dysregulation that continue.

In his book “Grandchildren of Alcoholics,” W. Smith outlined the main problems that children of alcoholics face:

Relationship difficulties

Ignorance of the language of feelings

Low self-esteem

Great irritability.

Not all children of alcoholics are equally affected by the disease. As R. Ackerman points out in his book “Children of Alcoholics,” this depends on the degree of the disease, the type of parents who are alcoholics, and the individual susceptibility of the child. We cannot say that all adult children of alcoholics have the same characteristics. But it can be assumed that those who grew up in families of alcoholics, for the most part, will perceive quite predictable models and, in the absence of specific treatment, will pass on these models to their children in the process of upbringing.

There are a number of factors by which one can recognize signs of alcohol problems in the family, but almost everything related to alcohol tends to mimicry, i.e. disguised as something else.

The reaction of the family in the process of its adaptation to the fact of alcohol abuse by one of the members can take different shapes. But in most cases, the main path of adaptation passes through the denial by members of the existing problem. Denial is the first and most distinctive feature of a family in which someone abuses alcohol. An atmosphere of shame, fear and tension reigns in her. Most of these families have their secrets. The main one, of course, is the very fact of alcohol abuse. Other secrets could be all the negative problems associated with this - fights, bullying, poor performance by parents of their duties, etc. Concealing the fact of alcohol abuse is the main focus in which all the interests of the family converge. As this fact becomes more obvious, the need to hide problems increases. Then the family becomes a super-closed system, reducing its external communications to a minimum, cutting off all sources of influence and help from the outside. All members of the family team, including children, take responsibility for maintaining stability in it and strive with all their might to control the situation, which in principle cannot be controlled. Thus, it can be assumed that the loss of self-control subsequently leads to a complex interweaving of feelings of duty and shame for one’s behavior both in the person who drinks and in those around him. The psychological defense against them is denial of the problem, which justifies continuation and consolidation bad habit and is opposed to both the possibility of outside help and objective self-assessment.

In a family in which one of the parents drinks, different rules of behavior apply than in ordinary families. There are no universal rules of behavior: what is good and what is bad is determined from case to case. It all depends on the physical and emotional state of the parents. Relationships between adults and children are very uncertain. They can be either forcedly open or authoritarian and commanding.

Life in the family of an alcoholic is unpredictable. Promises made by parents are often not kept. What was said earlier is denied, and the child may begin to doubt his memory. He learns not to trust anyone, and above all himself.

Often parents cannot agree on a decision made or said. The quarrels that accompany differences of opinion make the situation even worse. The child thinks that he is the cause of the quarrel and is afraid of the consequences. All this causes a constant feeling of uncertainty and fear, from which there is nowhere to hide and no one to find consolation from.

Parental indifference can be just as painful as anger. The child’s successes may be taken for granted, and his attempts to arouse parental attention and affection on this basis, and to become closer, are rejected.

Such parental behavior is perceived by the child as extremely offensive and remains in the soul for a long time. In addition, self-esteem is deformed. In this case, perhaps the main way to attract attention is through bad behavior that provokes parental anger. Anger means at least some attention, and this is better for a deprived child than nothing.

Alcoholism affects the entire family. And those people who live with an alcoholic themselves become codependent. R. Sabbi: “Codependency is an emotional, psychological and behavioral state that arises as a result of the fact that a person has been exposed for a long time to oppressive rules that prevented the open expression of feelings, as well as the open discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.” E Laren: “Codependency is a learned set of behaviors and character defects of a self-defeating nature that leads to a decrease in the ability to initiate and participate in loving relationships.”

Thus, children raised in alcoholic families form and develop a “disease” called alcohol codependency.

Psychological characteristics of a child from a family with alcohol abuse

problem.

Many children from alcoholic families have difficulty adapting to society. It is not difficult to determine whether a particular child is in isolation. Perhaps this happens because such children constantly argue with their friends for any reason. And only occasionally can you notice satisfaction and joy on their faces. More often they are focused on controlling their comrades, commenting and criticizing their behavior. They can develop into people characterized by intolerance and aggressiveness, even criminal tendencies. Children from alcoholic families can also be incredibly quiet, behind in their studies, games, afraid of everything, and easily influenced. And, on the contrary, some of the children are distinguished by the fact that they take responsibility for everything and everyone, being a kind of “guarantor of justice,” understood within the boundaries of age-specific ideas.

Children from families with alcohol abuse may fantasize about their father. This may hide a feeling of guilt and shame both for the father’s unworthy behavior and for the negative emotions that the child experiences towards the drinking parent. Fantasizing can over time develop into a habit of telling lies and becoming a coping strategy for these children. A number of researchers [3, 6,7] note that they may develop neurosis, which manifests itself in the form of difficulty falling asleep, stuttering, and enuresis. Children experience this suffering very hard and try to hide it from their peers. All this deeply traumatizes the child’s psyche.

If in families with normal non-drinking parents, the latter’s demands on their children are based on firm views on life, and therefore have a constant character in relation to certain emotional and behavioral manifestations, then the tragedy of children from families who abuse alcohol consists of distortion, as if in a crooked mirror, the entire system of human relationships.

The behavior patterns of alcohol-dependent children are described by the following characteristics:

Low self-esteem

Repression (repression)

Controlling the actions of an alcoholic

Denial of existing problems

Credulity

Resentment as a way of perceiving the real world

Aggressiveness

Irritability, anger

State of oppressive tension, anxiety

Diffidence

Addiction

Bad Relationships

Lack of trust

Sex problems

Self-sacrifice, performing actions to the detriment of oneself

A number of experts [2,3,7] consider the typology of roles assumed by children raised in an alcoholic family, for example, “family hero”, “scapegoat”, “quiet”, “family favorite” (see Table 1).

I conducted a study on the influence of alcohol codependency on the formation of types of interpersonal relationships in adolescence. I present the results.

The psychological behavioral tendencies of boys and girls from alcoholic families are based on submission and altruism. Most of them are prone to self-deprecation, put themselves last, take the blame, often do not have their own opinions, and perform their duties obediently and honestly.

Teachers and psychologists who have become familiar with the psychological characteristics of children from alcoholic families need to take into account the fact that there is an alcohol problem in the child’s family, apply an individual approach to such children, provide them with emotional and psychological support and the necessary pedagogical and psychological assistance.

Based on the results of my research and analysis of the literature, the following conclusions can be drawn: children with alcohol codependency need help in order to:

1) Explanation of the fact that alcoholism is a disease that affects the entire family.

2) Release from control over parents and responsibility for their actions.

3) Learn to detect, recognize and express your feelings. This is the implementation of exercises, the task of which is to learn to name and identify emerging feelings and emotions.

4) Developing self-respect. Work with children of alcoholics in this direction is based on psychotherapy based on art. This is also participation in games designed for emotional development.

5) Acquiring vital skills.

6) Liberation from feelings of fear, guilt and shame.

7) Taking responsibility for your life.

8) Finding faith and hope that change is possible.

Conclusion

Family relationships can influence the choice of types of relationships a child has with other people. Alcohol codependency is a factor influencing personality development and the establishment of interpersonal relationships. Children from alcoholic families require targeted work on the part of teachers and psychologists to provide assistance in overcoming alcohol codependency.

It is also advisable to conduct further research in this area, in particular, the influence of alcohol codependency on the formation of personality structure.

List of sources used.

Smith W. Grandchildren of alcoholics. M., 1991

Voydylo E. Learn to forgive. ArkA, 1997.

Spickard A. Passion for alcohol.-Minsk, 1998

Ivanov V. You can’t forbid living soberly. - Minsk, 1999

Beatty M. Alcoholic in the family or overcoming codependency. - M., 1997

Moskalenko V.D. Children of alcoholics.-M., 1990.

Furmanov I.A. Aladin A.A. Psychological characteristics of children deprived of parental care. - Minsk, 1999

About 50 years ago, the attention of researchers began to attract

problematic contingent of children who grew up in families of people suffering

alcohol addiction. It turned out that the relevance of this problem

we are caused not only by gross social maladaptation and victimization

ity of this cohort, but also the significant prevalence of this

phenomena. So in the USA, about 40% of adults (about 76 million)

people) have a family history of alcoholism. The proportion of children who

In most cases, at least one of the parents suffers from alcoholism (in the future

we will use the established formulation “adult children al-

coholics" (ACA)), in the USA, according to recent studies, the composition

ranges from 1:8 to 1:5 (Jordan S., 2010). It should be noted that as the

As the average age of the population cross-section increases, the share of ACA in it decreases.

This is believed to reflect their shorter lifespan. The ex-

Trapolating the given global proportions to Russia, taking into account

current trend in the level of alcoholization of the population we can talk about

that the number of ACAs ranges from 25 to 50%.

The greatest interest in this little-studied phenomenon was noted by

in the 60-80s of the last century, when the main

Clinico-psychopathological patterns of the “adult” syndrome complex

child of an alcoholic,” and is also statistically determined to be the most likely

wide spectrum of comorbid pathology. At the end of XX - beginning of XXI

century, the interest of researchers switched to the analysis of psychodynamic

cultural and neurofunctional aspects of this multifaceted phenomenon

nia. In the last decade there has been a shift in the interest of scientists

from the individual’s problems to his relationships with his immediate environment

Clinical and psychopathological aspects. The most common “fa-

garden", but, unfortunately, far from the only problem of the ACA is

chemical dependencies occur. In various studies there are many

It has been proven many times that the risk of developing alcoholism among ACAs is significantly

higher . Moreover, if there is a father dependent on alcohol, the risk

alcohol dependence in children is four times higher, with

mother's addiction rate - three times.

The frequency of alcoholism according to various sources in adults

of althonic sons ranges from 17 to 70%; in adult daughters of patients with al-

coholism - from 5 to 25%, drug addiction - about 6% and 3%, substance abuse -

approximately 17% and 5% respectively. Only 19.9% ​​of adults

children whose parents are alcoholic are not found to have any

or psychopathological disorders at the time of the family study

Also, a number of studies have proven that ACA has a higher incidence of

Most pain syndrome, tic, runny nose, enuresis, insomnia, migraine

and runny nose, allergies, anemia, colds, weight problems, these people

di have 60% more damage and injuries while training in

At school they are prone to aggressive and risky behavior. At that

while in men from the ACA group in the spectrum of psychopathological

manifestations, drug addiction diseases predominate, for women

the most typical nosologies are neurotic and borderline

th register. This includes post-traumatic and other related

stress disorders, as well as anxiety and depressive disorders

strong spectra.

The question of the specificity of those associated with upbringing in the

Mie MSAZ clinical-psychopathological patterns is debatable

white and most likely open. Thus, a number of studies have shown

that a similar spectrum of manifestations exists in people who grew up in all

dysfunctional families, especially in conditions of intrafamily fi-

ical violence. S.L. Harter (2000) based on a meta-analysis came

to the conclusion that the manifestations of “VDA syndrome” are nonspecific, and K.J. Sher

(1997) suggested that comorbidity depends on the presence

comorbid dependence disease in parents: so, if a parent has

In addition to alcoholism, there were traits of an antisocial personality race

disorder, then with a high probability it will be observed in their children as well.

tey, etc. Despite the controversial nature of some provisions and incomplete

structures

relationships

various

psychopathological manifestations in ACA, most researchers

agree on one thing: ACAs are a risk group for the formation

a wide range of drug addiction and psychiatric diseases, and

also have a reduced level of social functioning: blurred, unclear boundaries of various areas of life,

personalities - children often do not know which of their feelings are normal and which are

No; they lose “the firmness of the psychological soil under their feet.” Semi-

ACA negative educational constructs as they mature

Lesions will interfere with the establishment of trusting relationships. IN

First of all, this will manifest itself in the difficulties of creating a marriage.

It has been proven that ACAs get married less often, and if they do, then

report less marital satisfaction and more frequent divorces

N.K. Radina (2003) provides data according to which

VDA less differentiated image of the “I-real” compared to

boys and girls from ordinary families and the specificity of ideas about

The ACA itself consists of a bipolar role set: to be an aggressor

or a victim.

It is well known that girls who grew up in MSAZ families are much more

more often choose a man who is also alcohol dependent as their husband

Moreover, the number of such elections is estimated at 60-70%, which on average occurs twice as often as among girls without history.

ries of family alcoholism. It is believed that due to growing up in

families where ignoring the signs of alcohol dependence (denial

tsaniye) was habitual, girls who grew up in MSAZ families cannot

recognize the corresponding signs of this disease in your fiancés

On the other hand, they are attracted to men who resemble their fathers

In marriage, these girls have a higher risk of having chemical dependency

Or become codependent, tightly intertwined in a pathological se-

main dynamics of addictive symbiosis.

In conclusion, we note that the contribution of the ACA to suicidological problems

indicators have not been studied enough. Most studies are purely

ascertaining nature, where the frequency of identification of parents is noted,

suffering from alcohol addiction, boys and girls,

who were committing suicide. Until now there was no focus

extensive and detailed studies concerning the antivitality of living

ACA, which would allow the creation of effective preventive models

whether, both suicidological and drug addiction.

Thus, the role, place and significance of auto-aggression in families

MSAZ to date remain not fully understood. This

dictates, given the prevalence and interconnectedness of the considered

phenomena, carrying out further scientific research, part

which are the own data presented in this work

Children raised in families with parental alcohol problems are very different. And yet the situation clearly leaves an imprint on their further independent path. Great importance It depends on which parent suffers from addiction and to what extent.

Much more difficult for children. Sometimes, looking at a child, you won’t even suspect the presence of dysfunctional parents: normal academic performance, neatness, adequate behavior. This happens if someone else plays the role of the family: grandmother, aunt, older sister. But even in such cases, despite external well-being, further acquaintance with the children of alcoholics reveals striking differences.

The unluckiest of all were the babies who developed from reproductive cells exposed to alcohol toxins. And if the male material for conception is renewed three months from the moment of the last alcohol consumption, then girls are not forgiven for not a single drop drunk during puberty, since eggs are laid for life.

Drinking even small doses of alcohol during pregnancy is no less dangerous. The nervous system and immunity of the future human being are the most sensitive; the appearance takes on specific features. In more severe cases, the baby will experience deformity.

Children in a family of alcoholics

Children in whose lives alcohol is present can be divided into two categories. The first ones were conceived and born in an alcoholic dope. In addition to incurable psychological trauma, they have physical health problems. The second category felt the enormity of an alcoholic life after birth.
A mental wound dominates here, leaving an imprint in adult life. Both categories have low level intelligence, lack of life experience. In addition, children in a family of alcoholics feel useless and hopeless, which leads them into deep depression.

Schoolchildren have to endure a terrible emotional burden, trying to hide family problems in order to appear like everyone else. Prolonged psychological stress exhausts the fragile body, which manifests itself in depression, indifference or aggression.

External distinctive features

Experts are ready to describe what kind of children are born to alcoholics externally. Typically, a child who has been exposed to alcohol toxins will have several of the following signs:

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• defects of both the hard and soft palate and upper lip;
• thin upper lip and reduced upper jaw;
• the nasolabial fold is not pronounced;
• narrow eyes with a pronounced upper eyelid;
• the nose is flat and wide.

External distinctive features appear in various pathologies, but alcohol dependence may be one of them. In addition, exposure to toxins from vodka and beer leads to missing body parts, deafness and muteness.

Psychology

Children do not always follow their path. Often a reverse reaction occurs when a grown-up child, who has suffered from negligent parents, promises himself never to drink in his life. But even with such a seemingly positive outcome, the psychology of children of alcoholics develops a special behavior in society: unsociability, distrust, and lack of emotionality.

Any child needs communication, love, attention, support. The child explains the constant contemplation, if not of drinking and swearing, then of sleeping parents, to himself in his own way: he is bad, no one needs him, there is nothing to love him for. Children are able to perceive themselves only through the reaction of others, both directly to them and to their actions, and then behave in accordance with the assessment received.

With the last of his strength, the child tries to please his unfortunate parents, hugging the leg of his intoxicated father who just kicked him. A lack of understanding of how to behave in order to be good and loved causes complete disorientation in the developing personality, which affects the entire subsequent life.
The feeling of being orphaned with living parents can cause enormous psychological trauma. In order to somehow protect himself from grief and hopelessness, the child tries to adapt to what is happening in different ways.

As a result, he may turn into a bully with defiant or buffoonish behavior, or become quiet, inconspicuous, and indifferent. Older children sometimes grow up quickly and try to take on family life.

Adult children of alcoholics

No matter how the life of a child turns out dysfunctional family, there are a number of patterns in behavior that do not give him the opportunity to take a good place in society and create a strong family:

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• self-esteem is greatly underestimated;
• inability to take decisive action;
• inability to feel and express emotions;
• feeling of guilt for failures;
• the desire to cope in any situation without outside help;
• there is no ability to mobilize forces in a difficult situation;
• strong sensitivity to the opinions of others.

Since the end of the twentieth century, psychologists have called the combination of described traits the ACA syndrome (adult children of alcoholics). Such people constantly need support; it is difficult for them to establish relationships with others, which additionally drives them into depression and pushes them onto the path of parenthood.
Only working with a psychologist will help a person learn to live with existing problems or overcome them for good.

Statistics have repeatedly confirmed that people who come from alcoholic families are more likely to become victims of addiction. Even if such a grown-up child manages to avoid addiction, his life often repeats the fate of his parents - such people are usually unhappy. The alcoholic nature is to blame for this.

Personality characteristics that can be attributed to the concept of “alcoholic character” can be inherent in a person from birth, or formed under the influence of a dependent environment, in particular, parents. Such traits not only complicate the process of growing up, slowing down the full development of the child, but also interfere with building a happy life in adulthood.

Reasons for the formation of an alcoholic character

Living with an alcoholic is a real test for the whole family. With the advent of addiction, the main role models are distorted, and the script of family life itself is deformed. From now on, everyone's life is subordinated only to the alcoholic - his mood and state at the moment. At the same time, absolutely all family members suffer from this state of affairs, but, despite this, they continue to fulfill their roles, fearing to destroy the external appearance of a “normal family.” This illusion of a happy family is unknowingly supported by all the relatives of the addict. Even the alcoholic himself enjoys playing at being a respectable member of society. Everyone has their own reasons for this:

• the alcoholic does not admit the existence of a problem, because he is confident in its absence. He is deeply convinced that he can give up drinking at any time, and drinks alcohol only because of the current situation (stress, fatigue, holiday, conflict in the family, and so on);
• the spouse of an addict is forced to hide their partner’s illness because they are afraid of showing their inadequacy. An alcoholic husband is, first of all, a reason for shame for his wife, and in order to preserve an attractive picture of family well-being for neighbors and friends, she diligently denies the problem, or stubbornly and unsuccessfully “saves” the alcoholic from the disease;
• child from alcoholic family cannot talk about domestic problems in public. If he tells his neighbors about his alcoholic father, regular scandals and mother's tears, the family will perceive this as a betrayal. The child understands this perfectly well, and therefore is forced to hide his feelings because, deprived of parental attention, he tries with all his might to earn praise and love.

A child in such a situation remains without the attention of his parents. The whole life of a family revolves around the addict - there is simply not enough energy and time for the child. Children from alcoholic families have to grow up too early. He has to solve all his problems, including conflicts with peers and misunderstandings with teachers, on his own. Often, the only solution to a problem is to deny it. The teenager simply hides his emotions, hides them even from himself. Unfortunately, this approach leads not only to the formation of an alcoholic character, but also to nervous breakdowns, and subsequently to the formation of a tendency to addiction.

Destroyed fate: how the personality of a child in a dependent family changes

Even having avoided addiction, a person who grew up in an alcoholic family remains unhappy. The peculiarities of his personality, formed by the negative influence of those closest to him, prevent him from creating a happy family, realizing his potential, and enjoying life. Most children of alcoholics have a range of negative character traits, in particular:

• ignoring the rules, inability to plan. Having grown up in a family where there was no place for order, a person continues to live in chaos, guided only by momentary impulses and moods. This is exactly how his family lived, completely subservient to the emotional state of the alcoholic;
• loyal attitude towards domestic violence. A child from an alcoholic family did not see normal relationships. Therefore, constant scandals, inability to control oneself, moral and physical violence against adult family members and children seem to him to be the norm. Even having matured, he is not able to develop other forms of behavior without the help of a specialist;
• deceit. While living in a dependent family, a person is accustomed to seeking love and praise from everyone accessible ways. Lies are often one of the simplest and therefore most popular of them. He lies to his family and friends so as not to upset them, not to offend them, or to gain the approval of others;
• life is in constant tension. A child in an alcoholic family is constantly at risk of incurring the wrath of his parents. Even in adulthood, such a person is constantly “on alert.” He is not able to completely trust a person, relax and enjoy life, because every second he expects a kick or a slap on the head;
• constant need for approval. Such a person is never sure of the correctness of his actions. He constantly needs confirmation that he is right; without this, he becomes impulsive, nervous, and confused.

A person who grew up in a dependent family will feel different and alien in any society for the rest of his life. Of course, such disastrous consequences for the child of alcoholics can be avoided. Working with experienced psychologists will allow you to change your life and finally find happiness and inner peace.